It's in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ, ... he had his eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he is
working out in everything and everyone. Ephesians 1:11 (Msg)
Sometimes in life, we encounter rejection. These moments hurt and they may either build you or break you influencing the kind of life you choose to live. Such hurtful events shape our hearts to either conform to the norm or it challenges us to discover the truth, and believe it. I personally have had these moments where I constantly have been rejected for unknown reasons and it has never been easy to deal with.
Long before you were conceived by your parents, you were conceived in the mind of God.Rick Warren
Let me give you a back story. I am of Kenyan origin, born into a family of four children, myself included and off course,my incredible parents. Physically I am a tall, slim girl with a light complexion. My personality type is phlegmatic. More often than not I’ve struggled to fit in, sometimes I even compromise my dignity just so someone could like me enough to accept me into their group. At home, for me it was difficult I had a very low self esteem and my mum unconsciously worsed it. Been a twin, I was always compared by default to my sister and I always felt so ugly. I remember, one time we were out as a family then, my mum meet her friend, she introduced us and instantly the friend asked so who is the smarter of the twins, without skipping a heartbeat she confidentiality said my twin was better. I wanted to cry. I was ugly and stupid, I hated the entirety of who I was, I thought I was simply meant to escort others in life and make them look better because I was awful. I thought God was desperate to fill the earth so He sent me as a bonus. I hated myself, at one season in my life I never looked at the mirror because I was afraid of the image that I would see.
In primary school, I was emotionally bullied by my classmates, they were so mean to me, while I was so nice to them. I overlook everything just to be friends with anyone literally. I really had a hard time making friends, and if I did they were seasonal, so all of a sudden they would move and we’d stop talking like I never existed in the first place. This went on in high school, I remember always during the first day when we opened school,everyone had a story to tell their friends from the holidays. From the corridors of the school, to the class to the dormitories it was all a busy with friends passionately catching up narrating their holidays adventures meanwhile I stared in wonder eavesdropping secretly wishing I was part of the conversation and if I was, that the listeners wont disperse in boredom saying they had to unpack or they had to finish an assignment.
I was so lonely. It was then that I discovered Him, the Holy Spirit. Well then, I didn’t know Him with that title, to me He was the One person who stayed with me everywhere I went, He listened to all I had to say but He never got tired. I then developed a habit of going at the back of the dorm, near a small forest which was beautiful and such a scerne environment, there I would spend my time with Him. His presence was so dominant and comforting. With Him I was free to express myself. I laughed, cried, talked, sometimes just the silence was all I needed, His presence was truly my all. In high school, I cant say it was all such a bad experience, there were tough times, however with my newly discovered best Friend, I was able to manage it.
I was also inspired by a myriad of powerful men and women who were so gracious enough to schedule our meeting into their calendar and pour into us. From influential media personalities to politicians to the movers and shakers of our country. I was in awe. The future is so bright and I can be anything I want to be. It was at this point that I decided that I either want to be a journalist, an event planner (i love planning and decorating event especially with flowers) or a lawyer. Well, as fate would have it I am currently in law school awaiting to undertake my bar exams.
After high school, I wanted to be in touch with my classmates at least. But even after asking no one would let me into the class group. It was frustrating and disheartening. Fast forward into my intership as a law student, the same thing happened, despite it been a requirement for effective communication, no one would let me into the firm’s WhatsApp group, no matter how much I asked. Rejection hurts especially when there is no valid reason, atleast to get closure. It has been something I have had to deal with even as a grown up. My dad even doubts the colour of my skin despite having raised me all my life, accusation of bleaching seems to crop up.
I’m not going to lie rejection hurts especially when it comes from the people who are supposed to be close to you. I order for you to move past it and reign in life, yoy must be established in the word of God. One of the anchor scriptures that held me up when I was drowning in tears and self hatred was in Psalm 139:1-18 (TPT)
Lord, you know everything there is to know about me.
You perceive every movement of my heart and soul,and you understand my every thought before it even enters my mind.
You are so intimately aware of me, Lord.
You read my heart like an open book and you know all the words I’m about to speak before I even start a sentence!
You know every step I will take before my journey even begins.
You’ve gone into my future to prepare the way,and in kindness you follow behind me
to spare me from the harm of my past.
With your hand of love upon my life,
you impart a blessing to me.
This is just too wonderful, deep, and incomprehensible!Your understanding of me brings me wonder and strength.
Where could I go from your Spirit? Where could I run and hide from your face? If I go up to heaven, you’re there!If I go down to the realm of the dead, you’re there too! If I fly with wings into the shining dawn, you’re there!If I fly into the radiant sunset, you’re there waiting! Wherever I go, your hand will guide me; your strength will empower me. It’s impossible to disappear from you or to ask the darkness to hide me,for your presence is everywhere, bringing light into my night. There is no such thing as darkness with you.The night, to you, is as bright as the day;there’s no difference between the two.
You formed my innermost being, shaping my delicate inside and my intricate outside,and wove them all together in my mother’s womb.I thank you, God, for making me so mysteriously complex!
Everything you do is marvelously breathtaking.It simply amazes me to think about it! How thoroughly you know me, Lord!
You even formed every bone in my body
when you created me in the secret place,
carefully, skillfully shaping me from nothing to something.
You saw who you created me to be before I became me!
Before I’d ever seen the light of day,the number of days you planned for me were already recorded in your book.
Every single moment you are thinking of me!
How precious and wonderful to consider
that you cherish me constantly in your every thought!
O God, your desires toward me are more
than the grains of sand on every shore! When I awake each morning, you’re still with me.
Pastor Rick Warren puts it like this, in his book the purpose driven life:
God also planned where you’d be born and where you’d live for his purpose. Your race and nationality are no accident. God left no detail to chance. He planned it all for his purpose. The Bible says, “From one man he made every nation,… and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live. ” God prescribed every single detail of your body. He deliberately chose your race, the color of your skin, your hair, and every other feature. He custom-made your body just the way he wanted it. He also determined the natural talents you would possess and the uniqueness of your personality.
The Bible says, “You know me inside and out, you know every bone in my body; You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted from nothing into something.” Because God made you for a reason, he also decided when you would be born and how long you would live. He planned the days of your life in advance, choosing the exact time of your birth and death.
Nothing in your life is arbitrary. It’s all for a purpose.
Most amazing, God decided how you would be born. Regardless of the circumstances of your birth or who your parents are, God had a plan in creating you. It doesn’t matter whether your parents were good, bad, or indifferent. God knew that those two individuals possessed exactly the right genetic makeup to create the custom “you” he had in mind. They had the DNA God wanted to make you.
You are who you are for a reason.
You’re part of an intricate plan.
You’re a precious and perfect unique design,
Called God’s special woman or man.
You look like you look for a reason.
Our God made no mistake.
He knit you together within the womb,
You’re just what he wanted to make.
The parents you had were the ones he chose,
And no matter how you may feel,
They were custom-designed with God’s plan in mind,
And they bear the Master’s seal.
No, that trauma you faced was not easy.
And God wept that it hurt you so;
But it was allowed to shape your heart
So that into his likeness you’d grow.
You are who you are for a reason, You
You’ve been formed by the Master’s rod.
You are who you are, beloved,
Because there is a God!”